Forever This Time Read online

  “Paul, listen to me. I haven’t lost a patient yet and I have no intention of changing that track record. Liam and Drew have this. I promise we’ll do everything we can to save them. Go sit and wait for news.”

  “You shouldn’t promise what you can’t deliver on.” Drew’s voice shook as he picked up a scalpel.

  “You can do this. I know you can. Now, let’s get that baby out.” She looked at Liam sitting at the head of the table. “Ready, Liam?”

  He nodded his head, his eyes huge behind his mask. “Her pressure is all over the place and the baby is under severe stress now. Better be quick if you’re going to do it.”

  “Right, let’s do this.” April closed her eyes for a moment and said a quick prayer as Drew cut through the skin. April handed him a set of forceps and waited to take the baby, hoping with every fiber of her being that it would be strong enough to survive.

  ***

  “You did well in there.” April ran her hand over Drew’s back as the helicopter lifted off overhead, mother and child safely in the hands of the care flight doctors. “If you hadn’t come back when you did, both Sally and her baby could have died.”

  “I could have killed her too. Did you stop to think of that?” The shock on her face made him cringe, but he was past caring. She’d pushed him where he didn’t want to go and it made him sick to relive the mistakes of the past.

  “I don’t understand. Why would you think like that?”

  The door opened and Liam stomped in. His face was pale and his eyes troubled. “Tell her.”

  “No.”

  “If you don’t, I will. So help me God, this has gone on long enough.” Liam threw himself down into a chair and scrubbed his hand over his face. It seemed as though he’d aged years in the last hour. “I’m sick to death of us torturing ourselves over something that happened so long ago.”

  “This isn’t the time or the place.” Drew glared at his friend, willing him to shut up.

  “Tell me what the heck is going on here, both of you. This is ridiculous. You’ve just saved a mother and child and you’re both acting like children.” April pulled off her blood-soaked gown and threw it in the laundry bin. “I know this has something to do with your aversion to mothers giving birth on the island, and I want you to share before I lose my temper.”

  “It’s not your business, April.”

  “Drew, I swear I’m going to hit you if you don’t tell me.” She pointed her finger at him. “Remember what Leo said, mothers are always right? Well this one is telling you to get whatever it is off of your chest before she walks out and you need to find another nurse. I will not sit by and see you two keep secrets from me that affect this business and prevents me from doing my job.”

  “It was when we were doing our internship.” Liam scratched his throat, sighing long and hard. “There was this woman.”

  “Liam, don’t.”

  “I told you if you won’t tell her, I will.” He paused for a moment. “This woman came in. She was pregnant, bleeding severely, showed all the classic signs of pre-eclampsia. We were on duty that night. The surgeon couldn’t be contacted, but we were sure we knew what we were doing. We’d attended a couple of C-sections already and she honestly didn’t have many options.”

  Drew opened his mouth and took over. “We were stupid and overconfident. We overruled the nurse on duty and took the woman to surgery. She would’ve died if we hadn’t tried.” He coughed, cleared his throat. His words along with the memory choked him. “We almost lost her. The blood was everywhere. We couldn’t stop it.”

  April moved over to him, placed a hand on his shoulder. Thankfully he didn’t say anything.

  “In the end we had to do a total hysterectomy, no choice, and the nurse backed us up in the end. Sadly, the woman’s husband tried to sue. He couldn’t deal with the thought of not having more children.”

  “What about the baby; did it live?”

  “Yeah, it did thanks to Drew. It was touch and go for the longest time, but he managed to save the day.” Liam gave him a quick smile. It didn’t help the churning in his gut.

  “I don’t understand then. If you did the right thing, why are you so scared of doing what you’re obviously good at?” She pulled her chair up and sat next to him and it was all Drew could do to stop himself launching into her arms. He needed the comfort and was too scared to take it.

  “I’ll leave you two alone. I strongly suggest you talk this through, Drew, because it’s high time you laid your fears to rest.” He tossed his dirty gown into the basket and with a last intense look, backed out.

  April reached for his hand and pulled it onto her knee. She ran her fingertips over his palm, sending jolts of electricity up his arm. He tried to pull away but she held him firm. “Stop. Relax and maybe you can find the words to tell me what’s really bothering you.”

  “Isn’t that enough?” Distaste for his irrational behavior crawled up his throat.

  “No. You saved her life and her baby. Did the hospital board fire you?”

  “No.”

  “Did you end up in court?”

  “No. They withdrew the charges once they’d calmed down and realized how lucky she was we were on duty that night.”

  April smiled and wound her fingers through his. “So, excuse me for being a little bit pushy here. That doesn’t sound like it would put off the Drew I used to know. That Drew would have dusted off and put it down to experience. The Drew I love would have made sure that he was prepared for that or anything else to happen again because that’s life. It’s the reason you became a doctor.” She gave him a gentle smile that ripped at his heart. “I think the Drew I’m sitting with right now is hiding something and using that as an excuse.”

  He stared at her, trying his best to focus on her face, knowing she was right and it was time to come clean. Instead, he felt himself being drawn back to his childhood and the horrific vision of his mother being carted from the house with his father screaming at the doctors to help her. His breathing became short and labored, his vision blurred. His tongue dried and thickened in his mouth.

  “Stay with me, Drew. I’ve got you.” Her voice soothed him but couldn’t chase away the pain as the memories caught him full on. The smell of the blood, his father’s cries for help, his elder brother trying to hold onto him to stop him running after the ambulance. Aggie stood at the top of the front steps, her face pale, and a young Matt clung to her dress, the tears running down his little cheeks.

  The huge bulge of his mother’s stomach as she lay unresponsive would haunt him forever. Drew might have only been eight years old, but he was sure there was something he could have done. He was the son that always stood up whenever his mother needed help. The brother who helped out and soothed tears when their mother was busy or as of late, sleeping due to her advanced pregnancy.

  The brother that had let them all down. The son who stood rooted to the spot and couldn’t bear to touch the woman who’d birthed him, as they took her away.

  “I failed. So badly.”

  “Who did you fail?” She wiped at his cheeks, brushing away the tears he didn’t even realize he was crying. “It certainly wasn’t Sally or Paul. If it wasn’t for you and Liam, we would have lost both her and the baby.”

  “I failed my mother.” He sniffed and took the tissue she handed him. “And my brothers and sister.”

  April tilted her head and frowned, not understanding what he tried to tell her.

  “When my mother gave birth to the twins, it was a C-section.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that. Do you know why that was necessary?” The blue of her eyes darkened. He’d never noticed that happened when she was listening before.

  “She had pre-eclampsia. They didn’t understand it back then and waited too long to operate.” He could still hear the anguished wail from his father when he was told. That sound would never leave him.

  “Drew, I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too. You hardly knew her, but she was the
best.”

  “I’m sure she was.” April moved closer and put her arm around his back and dropped her chin on his shoulder. “You did an amazing job in there regardless of what baggage you’re carrying. You know you can save lives despite what happened to your mom.”

  He looked at her, puzzled.

  “You don’t want babies born here because what happened to your mom, is what’s holding you back, right? You’re scared you won’t be good enough to save everyone that comes through those doors.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Bradley walked up the steps to the front door and knocked, scaring Drew half to death. The last couple of days it had been hard to focus on much and he found himself lost in memories.

  “Daydreaming I see.” Rocket strained at the leash, whimpering when he saw Drew. Bradley let him go and he raced inside to launch himself onto Drew’s knee. He licked his chin before turning around in a circle and plopping down and closing his eyes.

  “Make yourself comfortable, why don’t you?” He looked up, gave his visitor a smile, and invited him inside. “Come in, Bradley. You don’t have to wait to be asked, you should know that.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” He walked in, took his hat off, and turned to look out the big picture window. “I’ll never get over the view from this house. Not a wonder you don’t want to move out into your own place. Although, I hear the views from there are pretty spectacular too.”

  “You here to see Dad or are you here to dig into my brain?”

  “You know I’m after you. I thought I’d give you a day to sort things out in your head before I ambled over. April told me what happened when I called in on her yesterday to see the children.” He moved over and eased his bulk down into an easy chair that still gave him a view out of the window. “Lucky you were around, wasn’t it?”

  “Do we have to do this?” Even though it was well overdue, it wasn’t something he wanted to revisit. The day it happened was more than enough for him. Keeping it buried would be easier and a lot less stress if he kept it tucked away.

  “Yeah, it’s well past time, don’t you think?”

  “Maybe, but I’m not the only one who has issues from losing her.” He ran his fingers over the spiky hair of the little terrier sleeping on his knee.

  “No, true. But you’re the only one who’s cracked so far. That tells me that it’s time for you to deal with the loss of your mother. Tell me why Sally triggered it for you?” He leaned his chin on his hand and gazed at Drew with calm eyes.

  “When I was an intern, we had someone come in with the same condition Mom had.” He struggled through the explanation, pausing every now and then to settle his panic and start again. Bradley let him talk, only speaking up when Drew was silent for too long. Eventually the whole story came out, the same one he’d shared when he opened his heart to April.

  “Well, you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?”

  “I’m not the only one.” He refused to make out he was.

  “No, that’s true, but how is Liam dealing with your issues? He wasn’t around when she died so that wouldn’t affect him on the same level.”

  Liam—he hadn’t given him much thought since. That was rude and he owed that man so much. “No, but he agreed with me when I said we shouldn’t let anyone give birth on the island. Just in case, you know.”

  Bradley nodded. “Did he recover from the emergency operation quicker than you did? With that I mean, did it seem to bother him in future operating sessions while you were interning?”

  “Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

  “In actual fact, didn’t he go on to specialize in anesthetics before you offered him a partnership here?”

  Drew paused. “Yes.”

  “So would it be fair to say that he was only agreeing with you because of what happened to your mom? He was more than capable of operating and because of his expertise, it was pretty obvious that he would at some stage.”

  “I guess.”

  “And when April pushed you to operate because you would lose Sally and the baby if you didn’t, what were you thinking?”

  “Um, I don’t think I thought anything once I got that scalpel in my hand. Training took over.”

  “And you saved them both despite your fears.”

  Drew sat up straight. “Yes, we did.” Everyone had congratulated him, but he’d shut off, preferring to wallow in his own pain.

  “I think it’s time to let go of the past and give yourself permission to be proud of what you did. Don’t you?”

  “I guess so, but I’m struggling with it.”

  “Your mother would be proud of you. You became a doctor because of what happened to her, not in spite of it. You did it to help people and you’ve proven you can do that in the most difficult circumstances. I think it’s time to let your mother go, at least the angst of it all. It’s because of her that Sally and her child are alive. Have you thought of that?”

  Tears flooded his eyes.

  “And because of her, more people will get to know the amazing Dr. Andrew Hope. You’ll change more lives. Gain new friends and make your family proud. All because of your darling mother.” He reached over and patted Drew on the knee. “I think my job here is done. Come on, Rocket.”

  The dog looked up at Bradley and then turned his nose to Drew, licking his chin once again before jumping down onto the floor and giving himself a good shake.

  Footsteps sounded and Aggie staggered out into the lounge, still dopey from her afternoon sleep. “Hey, Bradley. What’re you doing here?”

  “Just popped in for a chat. How are you doing, girl? Still hiding from the world in that bakery of yours?” He kissed her cheek and gave her a quick hug. “You know where I am when you need me.”

  He started whistling as he walked out the door and down the steps.

  “What’s his deal?” She trudged into the kitchen and opened the fridge, staring at the contents before pulling out a jug of orange juice.

  “I have no idea.”

  ***

  “Mom, he’s my friend. I want to go and see Drew.”

  “He’s tired, Leo. It’s been a huge week and today he’s been a bit out of sorts. I think it’s best to leave him alone for a while. Besides, you have homework to do, young man. Get to it.”

  “Aw, Mom. You suck.” He stormed down the hallway and slammed the bedroom door.

  “Aren’t you going to go and do something about that, Mom?”

  It was tempting to go and ground him for a week, but it seemed too hard to deal with. All April wanted to do was sit down with a big glass of wine and gaze at the water, lose herself in absolutely nothing! “No, I’m going to ignore it the same as I’m going to ignore the mess under your bed. If that was your idea of cleaning your room, young lady, you still have a lot to learn.”

  Tilly shrugged her shoulders and stomped off to her room, shutting the door somewhat quieter than her brother had done. April moved to the fridge and poured a wine, took it out to the front porch, and sank down onto the small cane lounge. She tucked her legs up under her butt and sipped the alcohol, sighing in pleasure as it trickled down her throat.

  It’d been another stressful day for everyone at the clinic. They’d heard from Paul early on. Sally and the baby were fine. The specialist said Drew and Liam had done a top class job. She knew he would as soon as she saw the focus in his eyes when he’d picked up the scalpel. It was such a shame that his mother’s death had caused him so much pain, but it was understandable. Hopefully, her talking to Bradley wasn’t going to cause any friction between them. She couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes any longer. After all she’d gone through with Rob and his treatment and subsequent suicide, she knew how easy it was to talk to the psychologist.

  The children had both improved since they’d met him. Being a family friend, Bradley could ease himself into a conversation with Drew and hopefully help lessen his guilt over his mother’s death.

  “Starting early, aren’t you?”

  April
opened her eyes and stared up at Aggie. “Please tell me you’re not here to give me a hard time. The children are working on that overtime today so I don’t need any smart mouthing from you.”

  Aggie sat her butt on the couch and wiggled to get comfortable. “Give me some room.”

  “Why aren’t you at work?” She took another sip of wine and ignored the exaggerated thumping coming from Leo’s room.

  “I’m going. Did you know that Bradley was down talking to Drew?”

  “Maybe.”

  Aggie nudged her. “You put him up to it, didn’t you?”

  She put her glass down and pressed her lips together. Drew would probably also give her grief about interfering. “Yes and no. He was here yesterday talking to the children and had heard what happened. You know how the gossip spreads on this island.”

  “And?” Aggie leaned over, grabbed her glass, and took a healthy swig.

  “And, I suggested it was time to have a chat and deal with what really made him scared to deliver babies in the practice.”

  Aggie’s mouth dropped open and she turned to April. “No way!” She closed her mouth and held her hand over it, looked at April again, and shook her head. “Oh my goodness! I never put two and two together. How clever are you?”

  “It just made sense to me. I’m interfering and I don’t have the right too, but I’d be slack if I didn’t try to help him. You should have seen him, Aggie. He was pale, shaking like a leaf with a cold sweat on his forehead. And there was Sally, bleeding out before our eyes.” She took her glass back and gulped a mouthful down, brushing off the drops of condensation that dripped onto her lap with her other hand.

  “But once he leaned in and committed to that first cut, it was like magic, a different Drew delivered that baby and saved her life. It was simply amazing.”

  “Wow.” Aggie took the glass back, had a sip, and handed it over again.

  “Yeah, wow. I want that Drew all the time. The confident, full of the joys of life person that I loved. He can’t be that man if he’s still hanging onto things he has no control over. Hence my suggestion to Bradley.”