Forever This Time Read online

  “Hmmm. You know what I think?” Aggie turned to face her.

  “No, what?”

  “I think you did the right thing. He might be pissed about it now, but given time to chew it over, Drew will understand you did it with the best of intentions.”

  April passed back the glass. “I hope you’re right.”

  Aggie drained the glass. “Guess what he said to me?”

  “Bradley? No idea.”

  “He said I knew where he was when I decided I was ready.” She started chewing on her thumb nail, her focus on the harbor.

  “Maybe it’s a good idea. You can’t keep it tucked away forever. Look what it’s doing to you, honey.”

  Aggie jolted to her feet. “I don’t want to discuss it. I’ve told you why before.”

  “Yes you did, but you don’t have any semblance of a decent life. You hide away in that bakery during the night and sleep all bloody day. What kind of existence is that?”

  “You of all people know why I can’t be anything else. Don’t even start that crap with me.” She bolted off the porch and stormed down the pathway to the road.

  What had she done? April knew it was risky to bring it up, especially now, but her lover wasn’t the only one who needed to deal with issues. Aggie had more than most and it killed her to think that she would live her life alone because of it. At least her brother had been open to sharing his pain eventually. Aggie buried hers so deep, most people had no idea she was living on the edge of her nerves and that scar tissue could tear at any time.

  But it would seem that Bradley saw more than most.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The weeks dragged on as winter started to make herself known. Drew treated her normally at work and during their off time he was attentive and kind. Even so, April noticed a distance in his eyes. When he made love to her it always felt as though there was someone else in the room. One night at his house overlooking the point, April brought it up.

  “Drew, we can’t go on like this. I love you dearly, but it’s like you’re not really here.”

  He sat up in the bed, turning away from her. “You’re being silly. Of course I’m here.”

  April grabbed the sheet around herself and got out of the bed, walking over to the window. “You might be here in body, sadly your mind is somewhere else. Have you seen Bradley again?”

  He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t need to see him.” Drew looked away. “I’m sorry. I’m still having trouble getting my head around everything that happened. If you could just give me some more time to sort it out in my mind.”

  “And that’s what Bradley’s for. Come on, Drew, you’re the one who got my kids talking to him. Surely you can see how useful that one on one is with him?” Frustrated she walked into the bathroom and picked up her clothes. He wasn’t going to listen to her, she could see that.

  He stood up, and walked toward her. “Yes, but…

  “I don’t like being pushed away. You might not mean it, but it hurts, okay?”

  “I’m not pushing you away.”

  She brushed past him, tossing her clothes on the bed. “You are. Every time you turn away or don’t answer me, that’s pushing me away. Every time you withdraw into yourself when we’re together, that’s pushing me away. I don’t understand what’s going on anymore.”

  “You know what happened. I’m trying to deal with it. If you keep treating me like this, it won’t help.”

  “No, I see that now. And I’m sorry if you think I’m nagging. I don’t mean to.” She’d hoped that since he’d moved into the house, he was dealing with his pain. It seemed she was wrong.

  He turned on the shower. Moments later he was standing under the water, his head directly under the shower head where he couldn’t hear her words. She dropped the sheet to the floor and grabbed her clothes, pulling them on as she stumbled from the room. April skipped down the stairs and ran outside to her car.

  The drive home was rough. She ignored the ringing of her cell phone and pulled up outside her house. Taking a moment to compose herself, she wiped away the tears and put on her game face. Atticus would notice right away that she had been crying, he always did.

  It took her a couple of minutes to slow her heart before she felt comfortable going inside. Atticus sat on the couch, a book in his hand. Beside him on the couch, lay Leo fast asleep.

  “What happened? Is he okay?” She hurried over and knelt down touching her son’s forehead looking for fever.

  “He’s fine. Had a little nightmare and didn’t want to be alone.” Atticus closed the book and put it down. “You’re home earlier than I thought you’d be. Everything okay, darlin’?”

  She dropped into the chair opposite, determined to make light of the situation no matter how much it tore at her heart. “I guess. Drew’s still not right. I can sense it, but I didn’t make it any better by bringing it up. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.”

  He laughed, a soft chuckle that made her smile. “It’s not in your nature to hold your tongue when something matters to you, April.”

  “I’m so easy to read, aren’t I?”

  “Drew’s a big boy. He would understand he still has some issues to deal with. I might have a little talk to him, try and sort out that mess in his head.”

  “He’ll know I spoke to you and that might make everything worse.” She wanted things to go back to normal. Falling in love with Drew all over again had been invigorating, and now it felt as though this episode had taken all the wind out of their sails. It didn’t make for a very nice future the way things stood right now. “He thinks I’m pushing him and he’s probably right.”

  “Maybe, but you only want to help him. He knows I’ll figure out what happened. We discussed Bradley visiting so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Besides, I’m his father and I have a right to call out my kids when they’re misbehaving.”

  April smiled. Thank goodness the Hope family were close knit. Anyone else would have thought it was interfering.

  “I’ll drive out and see him tomorrow. There are a couple of shrubs I picked up for him that I want to take over for the garden. Good enough reason for me to be there.”

  “Thanks, Atticus. For the talk and the babysitting. It’s very good of you.”

  “No problem, it’s what I do. Listen, I keep forgetting to ask you, but did David sort out your problem with your in-laws?”

  “Finally, yes he did. I got a call from him earlier this week. They had to wait for a court date to take it all before the judge, but it’s all ironed out now. They’ve been warned if they come anywhere near us, Ben will throw them in jail. We have a restraining order on them that covers me and the kids.” She looked at her son, a small wave of sadness hitting her. “It’s so wrong, Atticus. The kids are the ones that miss out here.”

  “Nothing you can do about it, honey. Some people just don’t know when they have a good thing, I guess.”

  He stood up, scooping his arms around Leo. “Let’s get this one to bed so you can relax. Everything will work out fine, April. It always does in the end.”

  ***

  “You didn’t have to bring them out, Dad. I could have picked them up.”

  “I wanted to see how you were. I like it out here; kinda peaceful and calm.”

  “It is. It’s why I bought the place.”

  His father gazed at him. “Are you sure that’s the reason? I thought you bought it because of April and your little liaisons here when you were dating in your younger years.”

  “Did you come here to annoy me or give me plants?” Drew grabbed the coffee pot and filled a cup for his father. There was no way he was getting rid of him that easy, that much was obvious.

  “Bit of both actually.” He took the cup and wandered over to the doors that opened onto the deck. They were closed because of the wind sweeping up the coast. “Thought maybe it was time I apologized.”

  Drew walked over and perched on the arm of his chesterfield couch. “What f
or?”

  Atticus turned his head to look at him, then gazed back over the ocean. “When your mon died, I failed you kids. It wasn’t fair of me, but I was filled with grief. If it wasn’t for Gigi I would never have managed to crawl out of the rut I was in.”

  This was the last thing he’d expected. “I don’t understand. You didn’t fail us. You brought us up fine. Sure, you had help from Gigi, and we all love her dearly. I’m not saying our childhood was perfect, but it was damn near it.”

  His father turned and gave him a quick look. “That’s kind of you to say. Lord knows I did my best, but there was something I missed and this incident with Sally brought it all home. Not only for you but for me too.”

  “I’m sorry. If I could have gotten her off the island, I would have. I didn’t have a choice but to operate, Dad. She would have died otherwise.”

  “That wasn’t what I meant. You did the right thing. You couldn’t have done anything else. It’s what you’ve trained for. No, where I failed you children was letting you think you had anything to do with your mom’s death. You all saw her being taken away. Last thing on my mind that day was making sure you all knew that it wasn’t your fault.” He put his cup down on a low table and jammed his hands in his jeans pockets.

  “The thing is, I spoke to Bradley about it last week. Now I know he can’t say anything you two discussed, but it doesn’t stop me telling to you about what he said to me. To be honest, he gave me a right talking too about my behavior that day.”

  “That’s a bit rough. He wasn’t there. How could he know what we were all thinking?” Damn if the man didn’t manage to get into your mind. Guess that meant he was good at his job. Still, Drew wasn’t a huge fan when it was his head Bradley was rumbling around in.

  “Guy’s a natural at digging. Anyway, something he said to me resonated and I wanted to share it with all of you so don’t go thinking I’m singling you out because of what happened with Sally.” He paused, ran his fingers over his moustache, and then spoke. “I was so consumed with my own grief that I failed to ask any of you how you were.”

  “Dad—”

  “Let me finish, son. It’s true. Sure, I got Gigi to come and look after you and she’s done a brilliant job. I made sure you were all dressed for the funeral, all got to say goodbye to your mom, but I never once asked how you were dealing with the loss.” He blinked a few times before continuing. “You kids just muddled along, doing the best you could and eventually we all started to laugh again, to fight like we used to, and get along like we do now. But underneath it all, we all had our own internal issues around that day. I lost the love of my life and I doubt I’ll ever get over it. She’ll always be there in a little corner of my heart.”

  Drew ignored the misty eyes and the tremble of his father’s lips. “We knew you had to deal with things yourself. It wasn’t just us that lost her, Dad.”

  “I understand that, but I should have talked to you more about her, asked how you felt, if you were okay.”

  “And you think that might have made a difference?” He glanced up at his father.

  “I think so, don’t you?”

  Drew shrugged his shoulders, already knowing the answer. They’d all pushed down their grief because it had seemed too hard to talk about her. None of them could mention her name without breaking down for months afterwards.

  “It’s funny how things we bury have a habit of climbing up to remind us when we thought we were doing fine. You need to talk about her. Talk about what happened and accept that you weren’t to blame. None of us where, it just happened. You of all people realize how true that is.”

  “One in a hundred births. Yeah, I’ve seen the figures.”

  “Bradley explained it to me. Said no matter how much we know in our own heart it’s not our fault, somewhere in the back of our mind, a little part of us refuses to believe it.”

  “And we get past that how exactly?”

  “Now that’s a tricky one. Only thing we can do is let our actions override that little voice. Seems to me that you letting the good women of Hope Island have their babies in your clinic could be a good way to do that, don’t you think?”

  “You are one sneaky father. Anyone ever tell you that?” As usual, his father was right. He’d known it all along, but didn’t want to torment himself with the possibility of making a mistake just so his memories could rest easy.

  “Constantly. Now, how about you set to putting things right with that lovely lady of yours. She’s been looking down in the dumps ever since the incident and I don’t like to see her sad any more than I like that frown on your face.”

  Drew opened his mouth to deny it then thought better of it. April was a mirror to him, always had been. If he was down about something, so was she.

  “About that. I wonder if you could do me a favor?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Nancy popped her head into the treatment room just as April started doing the vaccination report for the end of week. “April, we have a problem out in the carpark, a patient that needs assistance to get inside. Can you deal with it for me please?”

  “Can Liam or Drew take care of it? I really have to get this off or the auditors will be knocking on our door.”

  “Um, not really. Drew went out to do home visits and Liam has a backload of patients waiting to see him before he finishes for the day. I’d do it, but the phone won’t stop ringing.”

  She rolled back her chair and stood up. “Fine.” She walked down the passageway and out the back door, taking note that the wheel chair was in its normal place just in case she needed it. Besides her car and Liam’s, there were no others out there. Only a bright red horse drawn carriage with two very patient looking Clydesdale horses and a large hunk of a man holding their bridles talking to them. Intrigued, April walked over to him.

  “Good afternoon. I was told someone out here needed my help and since you’re the only person here.”

  “April Williams?”

  “Yes, that’s right. And you are?” She quickly scanned him for injury, found nothing out of the ordinary, and looked at his face again. He seemed familiar but she wasn’t sure why.”

  “Deacon Fielding. You went to school with my younger brother, Wayne.”

  “Oh, of course. How is he?”

  “He died overseas fighting.” The larger of the horses leaned against his shoulder, demanding attention. Deacon laughed and rubbed the soft pink and white nose. “Dear old Daylight. Hates to be ignored, he does.”

  “I’m sorry to hear about Wayne. That’s tragic news.” Seems the war had touched everyone.

  “Been awhile now. But the reason I’m here, April, is to take you for a ride.”

  Excuse me! “I’m sorry, did you say take me for a ride?”

  Deacon grinned, pulled a card from his pocket, and handed it to her as the horse continued to rub against him. Flecks of white horse hair clung to his black waistcoat.

  April took it from him and opened it. Inside a white card had a handwritten note on it.

  Please come with Deacon. Enjoy the ride and don’t worry about a thing. Everything is taken care of.

  Love, Drew.

  “Oh. I don’t know. I have work to do and patients to deal with before I leave for the day.”

  “Drew said I was to wait no matter how long it took you to agree.” He took a couple of sugar cubes from his pocket, holding out one to each of his horses, his hand flat under their noses.

  “Really?” She looked at the card again. What on Earth was he thinking?

  “Yep. I’ve got all the time in the world and the boys here are pretty patient too. Not sure about Drew though. He seemed kind of frazzled if you ask me.”

  “Frazzled? Right. Okay then, let me get my purse and tell Nancy and I’ll be right back.”

  “We’ll be here.” Deacon chuckled as she walked back to the clinic. She opened the door and almost banged into Liam and Nancy hovering in the doorway.

  “What are you two doing?” They both jump
ed back, guilt written all over their faces.

  “Nothing, nothing at all.” Liam rubbed his hand around the back of his neck while Nancy raced back to reception with a mumbled apology.

  “Liam, what’s going on?”

  “Um, I know nothing. Honestly, April. He didn’t tell me a thing.”

  She pushed a finger into his chest and he backed up against the wall trying to avoid it. “I’m telling the truth. He didn’t tell me a thing except…”

  “Yes? Except what?”

  “He’ll kill me if I tell you.” He rolled his eyes and looked away.

  “Liam. If you don’t tell me what the heck is going on, he won’t need to kill you. I’ll take care of the job myself.”

  “I promised!”

  She counted to ten. This was worse than trying to get secrets out of her children. “If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll tell Aggie how you feel.”

  He whipped his head around and stared at her. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  She raised her eyebrow and grinned. “Try me.”

  “You play dirty. Why is it that girls turn evil when secrets are involved? Can’t a guy spring a surprise every now and then without you needing to find out all the details beforehand? Is it any wonder that people say romance is dying?”

  She absorbed his words and shame washed over her. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.” April stepped back, turned, and walked to her office to get her purse. When she came back, Liam was at the door waiting for her.

  “Look. Just go with the flow, alright? Drew’s a good guy. You know that better than most. And if you could do something for me, I’d appreciate it.”

  April nodded. “What, Liam.”

  “Give him a chance. I know he’s made mistakes, we all have. But let him have his say before you decide it’s too late for the two of you.”

  Had she already made up her mind about their future? Even she didn’t know that. Sleepless nights and worrying hadn’t made a decision any closer. As much as she loved her new life on the island, working with Drew was stressful.